He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
