? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
