There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
