I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
