When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
