Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
