Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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