Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
