im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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