remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
