she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Every concussion has its silver lining
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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