the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
