I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
