So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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