Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
