May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
