i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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