I just threw up on my dentist
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
