If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
