A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
