im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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