I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
