I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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