The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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