woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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