I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
