dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dear god my vagina.
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