I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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