also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
