this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
