Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
