we have pet lesbian snakes
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
