Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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