The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
