she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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