so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
