Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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