i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
