I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
