I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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