On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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