you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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