I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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