Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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