He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
