The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
