I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
