i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
