do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Who died my cat blue again?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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