I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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