She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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