I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I love you. Go after that dick
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
